Introduction
Generally, as parents, we worry a lot during the infancy and early childhood period (0-5 years) when our child eats very little. We wonder if our little darling is lacking some nutrient, we get discouraged at the thought of them pushing all the vegetables off their plate, and we bite our nails when they skip a whole meal! Then, later, towards the beginning of adolescence, we become worried for entirely different reasons: we're amazed to see them empty our refrigerator, we feel like they're eating too much and their bodies are developing curves, or we panic because our daughter or son is hiding to eat candy (we even find chocolate bar wrappers under their bed)!
All these situations illustrate the relationship our children develop with food and their body image. Depending on our parental reactions, sometimes even unconscious ones, we can either foster or hinder this relationship. Sometimes it's very subtle, because we ourselves are subject to social pressure to achieve an ideal of a slim body. We live in a society steeped in diet culture. We might very well say, "Oh! I'm going to hide the chips at the top of the cupboard so I don't eat too many!" while our child is playing in the kitchen right next to us. Like sponges, our little ones absorb all these bits of information to form their opinions about food. And that's not even counting all the slim princesses they see on television, or the ultra-muscular superheroes they draw in their coloring books.
You are the parent, and very early on (yes, yes, even from the age of 6 months!), you can make simple gestures or formulate phrases that will allow your little ones to detach themselves from the societal pressure to lose weight, while helping them develop a positive relationship with food and their body image.
In reality…
Day to day, it can be difficult to notice situations where we influence our children to adopt unhealthy eating habits or develop body image dissatisfaction. Here, we offer a chart with concrete situations, depending on your child's age, along with actions or words to encourage or avoid. Remember that even if you've already mentioned things we suggest you avoid, there's no need to feel guilty. We all, as parents, sometimes speak without thinking or act under the influence of our emotions. After all, we're only human! Your child won't be "ruined" because of it. Be kind to yourselves; you're always doing your best.
Situation depends on your child's age.
| Situation depending on your child's age | A must-do! | To be avoided… |
| 6 months: your baby is starting to eat solid foods and you are worried because you find that he/she is eating very little compared to your friend's baby. | Remember that every baby is unique, and that since birth, your little one has been able to regulate their needs by listening to their hunger cues. Trust them; they might eat more next week. Their hunger depends on their growth, mood, level of fatigue, and so on. | You're worried that he's not eating enough (and then you think that if he ate more, it would help him sleep through the night). So you force him to eat a little by putting a spoonful of cereal in his mouth.
Warning! You're encouraging your baby to eat beyond their appetite, and they might find mealtimes unpleasant because they'll be eating "forced" and could experience nausea or stomach aches. By the way, your baby won't sleep more by eating more. That's a myth! |
| 1 year old: it's a special day for baby! There are treats and cake on the menu today, even though baby has never eaten anything other than minimally processed or unprocessed foods (vegetables, fruits, cereals, yogurt, etc.). | While your baby should primarily eat nutritious, minimally processed foods, it's perfectly normal to offer treats from time to time. These treats can even be offered outside of special occasions to avoid giving them an overly appealing "festive" image. Your baby has every right to enjoy a sweeter cake or cheese puffs, as long as these foods are offered alongside other foods throughout the week, such as vegetables, fruits, yogurt, and so on. | You loudly proclaim that it's "treat day," and that you fasted half the morning so you could eat cake with your baby! You offer cake to the guests, but only a spoonful to your baby with some fruit on the side (no way he's going to develop a taste for chocolate!).
Warning! You are perpetuating the idea that there are "bad" and "good" foods. This dichotomous view of food encourages children, even as young as 1 year old, to develop an attraction to "forbidden" foods, and therefore, to one day want to hide in order to eat them. |
| 2 years old: Your two-year-old is very fussy at the table and refuses to eat his supper, but asks for dessert a few minutes later. | You tell him that he can only taste the food on his plate, and that if he doesn't like it, he doesn't have to eat it. Then, if he's hungry a little later, there will indeed be a snack after the meal. | You negotiate with him. You tell him that you put so much effort into preparing this meal, that you would be so happy and proud if he ate his vegetables! Then, you explain that if he doesn't eat at least 5 bites, he won't get his dessert.
Warning! You're confusing "food" and "emotions." Eating is primarily about satisfying hunger, not making others happy! What's more, you're putting dessert on a pedestal and making it more appealing than vegetables. The mealtime experience is negative and the atmosphere is tense. |
| 6 years old: you look at yourself in the mirror trying on new clothes, and your daughter is with you in your room. | You say you love wearing clothes of this color, you're comfortable and you feel invincible in this new outfit! You invite your little girl to look at herself too, and to admire her unique body: "You have beautiful brown eyes. Have you seen your little upturned nose? You're lucky to have big hands that let you play!" | You sigh, feeling your stomach. You tell your daughter, "It's not easy, sweetheart. Mommy's going to have to go work out if she wants to be healthy and feel better." A few minutes later, you go downstairs with her to the kitchen for a snack, but you avoid eating because you're afraid of gaining weight.
Warning! Even at 6 years old, a child can understand that to be happy, one must live in a slim body and that depriving oneself of food allows one to achieve this goal. |
The onset of eating disorders
Signs of eating disorders can appear very early in children. Your child may also exhibit what is called body dysmorphic disorder, meaning an excessive preoccupation with an aspect of their physical appearance (for example, disliking their legs or stomach). Together, body dissatisfaction and the feeling of being able to "control" their appearance through food can lead even young children of 7 or 8 to change their eating habits. Signs to watch for that could indicate an eating disorder, such as anorexia or bulimia, include:
- Changes in their eating habits: hiding to eat, saying they are not hungry at mealtimes, claiming they have already eaten, refusing all desserts…
- Seems to be a socially isolated child, has few friends;
- Often mentions that he or she finds himself or her ugly or fat;
- We notice that our child is losing weight suddenly.
Two eating disorders that become more common in adolescence are bulimia and anorexia. In bulimia, the young adult will eat enormous quantities of food and then, due to feelings of shame and guilt, will try to "purge" themselves of their excessive intake, either through vomiting or excessive exercise. Anorexia, on the other hand, is characterized by a desire to control food intake, and therefore, to eat very little (or nothing at all!) in order to lose as much weight as possible. Some children may still have an eating disorder that doesn't meet the diagnostic criteria for bulimia or anorexia, while remaining very obsessed with food and their body image. It is nevertheless important to remain vigilant and consult a pediatric nutritionist or someone experienced in eating disorders to help your child avoid perpetuating this disorder.
10 practical tips to teach your children a positive relationship with their bodies and food
- Talk to your child about your body often. Tell them that you are proud to have a healthy body that allows you to play and move.
- Explain to your toddler that the men or women they see in magazines or on television do not have "normal" bodies.
- Expose your child to body diversity: show them books or photos of people of different sizes to teach them that the world is full of nuances!
- Don't hide food in your pantry. Leave it in plain sight and you'll see that sooner or later, it will become less appealing to children.
- Offer your children foods like cookies, chocolate, or chips more often. It doesn't mean offering them every day, but at least keep some on hand at home to reduce the appeal of these foods and make them seem more "equal" to other treats.
- Avoid commenting on your body or other people's bodies in front of your child. Even a simple "Oh wow, you've lost weight!" can influence their perception of body image. And after all, losing weight shouldn't be a source of pride! Sometimes, losing weight means the body needs help, or that it's very sick.
- Encourage your child to eat until they are full, and don't make a big deal out of it if they don't finish their plate.
- Place the meals in the center of the table: your little cook can help themselves as they please, and eat just the right amount, according to their appetite!
- You can set a limit when your child seems very fond of a particular food. After two or three chocolate cookies, if they want another, explain that that's enough, and that they can have more the next day. But do the same for all foods: it's just as important to slow down your child who's already on their fourth serving of broccoli…
- Encourage your child to be active and have fun doing it. If Mom runs, it's because she enjoys it, not to lose weight. If Dad cycles, it's for pleasure, not to have as little fat as possible on his stomach…
